EMBRACING A TRANSFORMATION

Embracing life changes can be challenging, especially when they are beyond your control. 

However, it is essential to come to terms with your past and find peace to move forward.

At times, we may choose to make decisions that benefit our well-being yet find ourselves mourning the memories of the past.

We don’t long to return to the past, but we wish we had acquired the wisdom we have today.

I found the need to release my guilt for my past actions towards others to free myself from all my resentments.

While you may not be able to turn back the clock, you can apologise, make things right, and free yourself from the weight of anger and resentment.

Having a conscience reminds me that I must resolve a complex situation quickly if I wish for inner peace.

I participated in my weekly art therapy class and discussed the tough days I’ve been through recently with the therapists. I expressed my concerns about the looming threat of illness dragging me down.

In my discussion, I touched upon the extensive effort I’ve invested in maintaining my sobriety for the past six years and adhering to a path of righteousness.

It became apparent that despite my achievements, there remains a considerable distance to travel on this journey.

Lately, my apprehension towards forming connections with others has intensified as I come to grips with how exposed and fragile I genuinely am.

I realise that there is still much inner work left for me to do as I am struggling to find new coping mechanisms.

At times, I can’t help but feel like I’m regressing in my journey towards personal growth.

I am coming to understand that many of my current negative thoughts and emotions stem from my mental health struggles, compounded by the hormonal changes I am experiencing.

I constantly remind myself to persevere, telling myself that this, too, shall pass. However, the weight of this situation is wearing me down in every aspect - physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

I reached out to my Aunt in Grenada, pouring out my heart about the whirlwind of emotions and mental struggles I’ve been facing.

 Vulnerability has become a constant companion, a feeling I despise. My anxieties are escalating, leading to more frequent and intense panic attacks.

I feel my breath escaping me, my head throbbing incessantly, and a burning sensation consuming me from within.

I find myself frequently contemplating suicide, but the thought of being a failure outweighs the act.

I know I’m not alone in this struggle; countless others face the same challenges. This journey is mine alone, and I must focus on my well-being.

By sharing my thoughts and feelings, I can connect with those who can relate to them.

In everything, there must be a balance.

Natalie M Bleau

Scripture of Balance